unwind May 5th, 2009
I was going through some old files today…and…remember how we were talking about writing “snippets” yesterday? Well, I found this…and even though I don’t know if this really counts…I thought I’d share it with you! Warning…it’s silly! Just right for unwinding today!
Cleaning the Bathroom
Otherwise Known As: The Flaming Heads of Housework
Bathroom cleaning is not my activity of choice. Still, it has to be done. And so, a couple of years ago, there I was…cleaning the upstairs bathroom, the one adjoining my bedroom…just a cleaning away. Soft Scrubbing until my little heart was content. (Actually, I was grumbling and complaining the entire time.) Anyway, there was a little, footed, heart-shaped, ceramic candle holder, complete with a lovely, scented, two-wicked candle within, sitting on a white doily, on a forest green towel (doubling as a tank cover), on my toilet tank. Well, as candles do, this little candle had accumulated a bit of dust and as I was carefully dusting it, I broke off one of the tender wicks. Now, as any scented candle-lover knows, once you’ve broken a wick, it’s murder trying to get the candle to stay lit afterward. But I loved this little candle! Therefore, I lit the wicks and set it back on the toilet tank (so that I could re-light it as needed) while I finished up the joyous, ‘cleaning of the bathroom’.
There I was, whistling while I worked, scrubbing the counters, the toilet bowl, etc. And then it was time for the floor. As I was bent over the toilet seat, scrubbing the small piece of floor between the wall and the toilet bottom, an odd, “sizzle, crackle, sizzle,” noise, followed shortly by the undeniably familiar scent (rather stench) of burning hair. It was the same scent I’d smelled a few years earlier when I had risen early one winter’s morn, having forgotten to turn the thermostat up prior to retiring the night before, to a chilly house. Well, we all know, no matter what the instructions on your gas stove read…i.e. ‘Do not use stove as an alternate heating source,’ your first inclination when you’ve let the house get too cold, is to turn on the gas stove burners and stand before it, warming your hands over the open flames while the waiting for the furnace to fire up. So, there I stood, rubbing my hands together over the stove flames, when suddenly the all too familiar stench of burning hair reached by nostrils.
“Hmm,” I thought. “I wonder where that all too familiar stench of burning hair is coming from.”
Suddenly, I noticed the strange, “sizzle, crackle, sizzle,” noise coming from the vicinity of my arms. Sure enough, the tiny hairs on my arms were pretty much gone, except for a few valiant ones, which had curled tightly into tiny, seared knots of what was once a hair.)
Thus, as I continued to clean the bathroom floor, I could hear the sizzling, smell the foul stench of burning hair . Finally, I stood up and glanced down at the candle still burning on the toilet tank. It seemed fine and I couldn’t fathom where the smell and noise were coming from. Everything seemed in order. Until the sizzling got louder. I turned to look in the mirror. As I caught site of my reflection in the mirror (looking a bit like Michael Jackson during the infamous Pepsi-commercial-hair-caught-on-fire incident of the 1980’s) I thought simply, “Ahhhhh! My hair’s on fire!” Oh, it wasn’t a flaming inferno, by any means. Just a wee breath of a fire. Still, “Stop, drop and roll,” was driven completely from my mind and all I could do was hop around the very clean bathroom, smacking myself on the head, an occasional yelp emanating from my voice box, until the sizzling stopped and the stench of burning hair dissipated.
You know…it’s funny how people (specifically hair stylists) expect there to be some dramatic explanation to the charred condition of your hair when you go in the next day to have the burnt area trimmed. Well, sure I’d only been in for a hair cut three days before….but obviously I had been cleaning my bathrooms since then. Hello?